March 21, 2007


Don't Touch me 'cause I'm electric and if you touch me you get Shocked.
-- The Beastie Boys.
Every movement at work punishes me. Each squirm, wiggle or trip to the printer shocks me with big fat loud zaps of pain. I don't swear at work but what the eff? Even the walls shock me. When I wash my hands the water shocks me. The freeking plant shocked me when I gave the mealy bastard nourishment. My old comfy chair betrays me with each static discharge of electricity into my delicate fingers through the plastic armrests.

Once my big black cat Leakey was dusty so being the responsible pet owner I am I grabbed the closest wipe at hand and went to town. Just like a cartoon his black coat went boing! I could actually see the blue lightning streaking through his black puff ball. I had a hold of his belly and my hand was being shocked on both sides and in the middle. It was louder than a midsummer Louisiana Bug zapper. I took a closer look at the wipe I grabbed and it was a SWIFFER SWEEPER. I have charged my cat like a cheap lithium battery! Being the fast thinking girl I was, I instantly grabbed the Swiffer's Antidote. Bounce! I rubbed him down and his panic low yowls stopped.

Tomorrow, I plan to arrive at work in a smart white shirt and smart white pants. I will also wear sharp white gloves. The only problem is that I think Bounce is slightly see-through.


Julia said...

bounce your way to work! I gota see that!
very interesting point!

Julia said...

the more I think about it the more shocking it is.

bellemanda said...

I could moonlight as a STUD finder.